There have been a handful of songs that have not been released from what I would consider “the complete Serious Bob.” Those songs make up an album that Tai jokingly labeled “The Unlistenables” because of their half-finished nature or general unpleasantness of production and execution.

The Unlistenables contains a lot of things that I consider interesting, but mostly because Serious Bob is very reflective of a certain part of my life and - as you already know if you’ve talked about Serious Bob with me - I have memories associated with each one of these songs. For example: Imagine the day the decision was made to start our first album with “To Investigate Alone…” without any lyrics over the verses. It was a conscious decision between four of us, and that became what happened, so it’s weird to find the old version with my nasal-stream-of-conciseness lyrics written by Nate.

Songs like “Everything I Know I Learned From Serious Bob,” “Stand Out (Serious Bob Remix),” and “Fuck You All (A Drunken Opus)” are songs that have been around since the beginning, but never got molded into a full song form, while songs like “Pie Eating Man (Original)” and “Pie Eating Man (Live Drums)” are perfectly valid forms of the song that just weren’t the final version used.

My favorite thing on here might be “Reefer Man” a cover of a Cab Calloway song that has a great guitar riff Tai transposed from clarinet or something ridiculous. We’d throw this into our live set from time to time, even performing it as “Jesus Man” at a Christian Battle Of The Bands and getting an equally energetic response. It’s Acousta-Punk, which is what made it fun, and it was simple, which made it a joy to perform. Sadly, the recorded version never managed to capture the energy of the live version.

So. This is The Unlistenables. The only thing that’s missing from The Complete Serious Bob at this point is the rest of the NYU Sessions, but I’m not sure those were ever finished enough to be released. As a consolation prize for those who are curious about how that project turned out, I’ve included the unmastered track of the NYU Version of “Jesus Was A Jew.” Yes, we made another version of “Jesus Was A Jew.” We knew what the people wanted.

Click the cover to head to the Soundcloud page for the full set.

Mr Jones had no love in his life.

The Pie Eating Man by Serious Bob

“I’m sure there is going to be more than one unpleasant surprise before we’re done…”

I don’t know where that sample came from, because if I did, and if I could get it cleared, I would want to start every Serious Bob album with it. Because the process of making anything Serious Bob is a series of serious surprises, some pleasant, some un.

Jesus Was A Jew will probably be the thing that Serious Bob is remembered for, should we be remembered at all.

I don’t remember so much how the song came about, but I know we took a break after recording the “yeah, you know it’s true/Jesus was a Jew” callback. I think we went to go eat something, since we were teenagers and in need of constant sustenance. I was sitting with Tai and Elliott and someone said: “Does everyone else have Jesus Was A Jew stuck in their head?”

We all did.

I’m not sure if this is a formula for “hit making” and in the other albums I’ve produced or been involved with, the song that the band likes the best isn’t always the one that would best serve as a “single.”

The good thing about choosing Jesus Was A Jew to play over and over again, is that it was catchy as all get-out, ridiculously simple to play and incorporated everyone on a specialized instrument (Tai on mandolin, Elliott holding down the 3 chords, me on harmonica accidentally executing my only successful note bend for the next 5 years).

Something about pointing out the simple fact that Jesus was, actually, a Jew seemed to resonate with our sophomoric audience, who mostly took our demos because they were free.

Jesus Was A Jew will always be easy to fall back into, and I’m pretty sure I could still sing it and do the hand motions in my sleep.

Jesus Was A Jew by Serious Bob

download link “Jesus Was A Jew” by Serious Bob off Serious Bob (Demo)

Jesus Was A Jew (NYU VERSION) by Serious Bob

The Love Is Gone (Pop Anthem Version) by Serious Bob

I’m trying to put a ballpark around when the first version of “The Love Is Gone (Toast)” was first recorded. I know that Serious Bob formed during the first quarter of 2002, that we played the Monarch Senior BBQ that year and decided to record a demo somewhere in there.

The idea for The Self-Titled Demo most likely came from Tai. During the final semester of High School, Tai was working on an Independent Project for Mr. DuFresne, the music teacher at Monarch High School. It was a loops-based dance album that preceded his work with Serious Bob. Eventually, Tai brought in cellist/DJ Keith Dickerhoffe (who would go on to play the cello on “This Place”) to help with a few tracks. I also helped a little, and some of those tracks ended up resurfacing on Valhalla.

Arg! Headache! Focus!

Ok. So, “The Love Is Gone” is the song that convinced me Elliott was a good guitar player. Serious Bob wasn’t initially about being good at your instruments, it was more about Elliott, Tai and I having fun. But, “The Love Is Gone” was a beautiful and I marred it with my vocals and Fisher Price Bongos. It would take Serious Bob multiple versions of the song to make it sound like I always heard it.

Download link“The Love Is Gone (Demo)” by Serious Bob off Serious Bob (Demo)

This particular version was recorded during one long recording session in Tai’s bedroom on Columbine CT in Louisville, Colorado. Tai’s parents kept telling us to keep it down because it was late, so we eventually stripped Tai’s mattress and propped it up against the door so we could record at the volumes needed to get a good signal off the vocal mic we had jerry-rigged with a 1/4″-1/8″ adaptor plugged into Tai’s computer.

When I finished the harmonica solo and Tai did his mandolin part, Tai decided that this song was “too serious” to be on the Serious Bob demo unless I apologized for it being “not funny.” I didn’t necessarily agree (we use Toast as a love metaphor, and that’s pretty silly), but he sat me on his mattress-less bed and told me to record an apology.

Luckily, Elliott was bored and learning guitar, so he was playing “Sweet Home Alabama” in the background and I burst out laughing. That lead to a delirious “cover” of “Sweet Home Alabama” that we eventually covered live in Montrose, Colorado over a year later.

download link “The Love Is Gone” Live In Montrose off No Morals, No Problem: A Web Album.

download link “Sweet Home Alabama (Encore)” Live In Montrose off No Morals, No Problem: A Web Album.

The most commonly referenced version of “The Love Is Gone” is “The Love Is Gone (Toast)” off Serious Bob’s real debut: I’m Going Off Into The Dark Woods To Investigate Alone. It was recorded at Time Capsule Studios in Denver. They deleted most of our tracks before we could fully mix them, but “The Love Is Gone” is pretty hard to fuck up from a mixing standpoint. Everything gets louder and more complex on its own, Nate’s bass adds another layer of beauty and Jason managed to transition between bongos and a full kit very effortlessly. A few things were added in Tai’s basement, like the slightly-distorted echos “I love my toast,” and “I miss you toast.”

From left to right: Da7e (me), Elliott, Tai, Nate, and Jason. The microphone isn't plugged in.

download link “The Love Is Gone (Toast)” by Serious Bob off I’m Going Off Into The Dark Woods To Investigate Alone.

That’s what everyone will always consider Toast to be; that version right there. But it still didn’t sound as grand as I originally heard in my head when Elliott played his little ditty for the first time in early 2002. That would take four years to realize, until - in 2006 - the Bob did some New York sessions for an album that still hangs in the balance. Produced by Josh Silberberg, the mystery Serious Bob album featured remakes of some of our more lo-fi and “popular” songs. The one song to come out of that session mastered was the new version of Toast, in all it’s pop glory, which lead me to alter the parentheses once again and name it “The Love Is Gone (Pop Anthem).”

download link “The Love Is Gone (Pop Anthem)” by Serious Bob

The irony being that Sally Jessie Raphael was cancelled long before this version was recorded.

Elliott got to add some organ to this, and I got to make up nonsense “da-da-da-da-duh-da”s. I’ve always thought of Toast as so poppy that it was, in the end a “pop parody.” Everyone can have a big, sweeping song about losing your love, but ours ends up being more about toast.

It was also the first of many food-obsessed tracks, but that’s a whole ‘nother post.

1 Oz Glass by 3dBiPolarBear

This song was written and performed entirely by Ty Hart (of Serious Bob fame). Except for the vocals, I wrote and perform those.

The setting is a bar, I play the hopeless man. The listener substitutes for the aimless woman. Together, their union has the power to begin the apocalypse. Or revolution. Or something - just something LARGER than the both of them as equals.

I always think of this song as a long and desperate pick-up line.

It’s come to this antithesis of pure bliss apocalypse. A pleasant moment captured this, defiled kiss. I’m pissed.

Pissed by 3dBiPolarBear

Hey guys.

You know what I really like?

Skin by 3dBiPolarBear

This song was originally called “Chinese Radio” and was really racist.

Then, we just decided to make it a recipe for Smokey Pork Chili. You can actually cook it, that recipe half works as sung!

13 Smokey Pork Chili by 3dBiPolarBear

18 Wheels of Justice was the name of my high school bowling team, so when Serious Bob (my high school joke band with Ty Hart, Elliott Goldbaum, Nate Patterson and Jason + Jess Frantz) wrote a song that allowed for 18 Wheels of Justice to become some sort of story line, it was a no brainer.

Thus was born the story of an 18-wheel truck driver who fights crime (he once stopped a rapist from stealing some gold) and his eventual death at the hands of a telekinetic Ani DiFranco.

18 Wheels of Justice by 3dBiPolarBear