12.05Topless Wii
Yeah. Click on the image to be taken to a site where you can watch these two greased up blonde playing Wii topless.Basically, this is the best thing I’ve found all day.
[Editor's Note: I don't know what the hell is happening over at !!PARTYCAMPUS!! I guess that they're closed for the summer? Or maybe forever? Either way, I decided that I'd post my Halo article, just so Elliott can see how I mutilated his concept. Thanks buddy! This whole article hasn't been passed through the !!PC!! editor yet, so it's basically in the format I give it to them in. They have a way of cutting out some of my more offensive bits. Bastards]
Halo Won’t Break Up With You
Women.
The very word can make me sweat cold some days and the next day it can make me want to be covered in hot sweat. Not only are the beasts themselves temperamental, but the very idea of woman is both frightening and comforting and dripping with warm liquid shame.Halo.
Now there’s a word that I have the same reaction to every time. The pure thrill of the kill that man has been deprived of by years of civilization has finally been digitized. As a non-violent youth, I don’t know the feel of metal in my fists as I empty round after round at inhuman space aliens, but thanks to Halo and Halo 2, I can now live the American Dream to its fullest.The best part about Halo is, although I’ve been dumped by dozens of women, Halo has never turned me down. Every time I want to grip that controller with its multiple buttons and two sticks of joy, Halo is there to accept me into its warm bosom. Women on the other hand don’t like me to bury myself in their bosom, hence the problem.
In the calendar year of 2005, I have been devoid of sexual deviance - nay, not just deviance - sexual contact in general. It’s been a sad lonely couple of months searching for that right woman at parties and bars, hell I’ve even stooped to looking at the girls in my classes (they’re small, therefore the embarrassment factor of a failed hookup in class is high). My box of condoms is full because there has been no use for them. Although my sex life hasn’t been that hot, my X-Box needs a fan to cool down its insides. In the calendar year of 2005, I’ve played roughly 500 games of Halo 2. Thanks to the stats-finder at bungie.net, I can safely say that I’ve played exactly 502 games since the ball dropped in Times Square.
Some of you might get on my case and say something like: “Maybe if you played less Halo, you could get more women.” To that I say: “Fuck that.” I’ve met women who play Halo. Just the other day I was smoking in a stairwell with two attractive redheads talking about how we had all been playing Halo the night before. It’s not that my Halo playing is interfering with my game, it’s not like I talk about Halo every 5 seconds, it’s just when it comes down to the line: Halo is nicer to me, more faithful, and will never leave me.
I don’t know why I would ever take Halo out of my X-Box, but if I did, it would understand. I could come back to it whenever I wanted and it wouldn’t be jealous or have moved on to another guy who wanted to play it by himself or play it a little bit differently, or not do that thing with the blindfold that I like.
Halo doesn’t leave tampons in my bathroom.
Halo doesn’t have violent mood swings.
Halo doesn’t tell me that I’m not living up to my potential to avoid giving me a blowjob.
I was talking to an ex-girlfriend turned lesbian (another thing Halo wouldn’t do to me) and she was talking about how all guys want is for a women to be completely in love with them. Men love to have control of the situation, to know that the other person is so in love with us that we don’t have to worry about infidelity. Well, Halo loves me, God damn it - with every megabyte of its sweet interior and every atom of its sleek panther-like exterior.
I love women, and there is a lot to say for a woman who will be your companion, love you and have sex with you, but that woman will still break your heart and leave you in the dust.
Every time I pull a woman close, knowing that our relationship is nearing an end and this will most likely be breakup sex, I know that in another world just a few feet away I am Master Chief, saving the world from evil covenant aliens, and although that woman is transient, Halo stands firm.
fatkathy44 (1:42:01 PM): how are you doing my friend?
X142155 (1:42:20 PM): doing well, how about yourself? Managed to nail down some sex?
fatkathy44 (1:43:05 PM): ‘fraid not
fatkathy44 (1:43:11 PM): you?
X142155 (1:43:26 PM): I guess I’m “in-between women” right now
fatkathy44 (1:43:52 PM): without the quotes that would be fantastic