Some black urban youth were on the G train with me this afternoon.
It was cold in Brooklyn, so I was wearing my “Universal Semen Sales” hat my mother sent me from this year’s stock show.
Universal Semen Sales is a group that sells cow semen so you can breed your very own strong cows. Genetically perfect cows like Hitler would have bred if he didn’t get all bogged down in unnecessary “solutions.”
The hat says: “Universal Semen Sales” and has a cow on it. The cow is walking on his hind legs, carrying a briefcase (I can only assume the case is filled with semen).
The black youth, who couldn’t have been older than 14, saw the hat and started laughing at me to his friends.
I didn’t notice, because I was reading.
“Hey, you like cock?”
I heard him say that, but I didn’t look up.
“You like sucking cock, don’t you? You take it deep.”
I looked up at him, wondering if he really was talking to me.
“Awwwwwww!” He laughed and slapped hands with his friends like getting my attention was proof that I loved sucking cock and taking it deep.
“I didn’t say anything,” I replied.
“You got a semen hat, faggot.”
“Well,” I said, “the hat says Universal Semen Sales you looking to buy?”
Now, given that I was thinking on my toes, I thought I had hit the perfect line between mocking the kid back and being indirect enough to not piss him off, leading to my death by beating on the G train.
I was wrong.
“Not from any faggot that fucks cows.”
Unfortunately, I had no comeback and had to get off at the next stop.
Once again, I have been accosted for being gay by young black kids, and once again I had nothing good to say.
Drat.
