WANTED: Girlfriend Who Is Turned Off By Power and Authority

Most women are not in awe of the power I wield, somehow immune to my magnanimous personality and utter lack of hubris.My grandmother always claimed that she knew she was going to marry my grandfather when she noticed, “how sharp he looked in a uniform.”My grandmother is an idiot.Frequently, I have been engaged in civil conversation with a person of the opposite gender, only to have her swept away mid-discourse by the first rutting autocrat willing (and able!) to buy drinks, cars and small islands.Too long have I been plagued by obsequious sycophants who think that a large bank account is worth more in life than knowing arcane vocabulary, sharing camaraderie amongst plebeians, and still counting MTV’s America’s Next Top Model marathons amongst their mildly homosexual guilty pleasures.I am not a blue collar worker, I’m the employee of a “digital sweatshop” (says the New York Times), so I’m not going to take up the Marxist cause and march on the state apparatus, nor will I try to escape my humble roots by dancing out of the ghettos. I’m not Billy Elliott.Just once in my life, I would like to meet a girl that isn’t distracted by the shine of a badge, multiple personal assistants or access to drugs and celebrities.What happened to the attractive, smart women who recognized a man that had so little power he dedicated his life to the art of conversation, self-grooming, and making three-itemed lists?If this is you, you should e-mail me.Or don’t.I don’t have the power to tell you what to do.

Previously:Week One: Mime GirlfriendWeek Two: Girlfriend Who Hates All Her TattoosWeek Three: Hippie GirlfriendWeek Four: Widow GirlfriendWeek Five: Girlfriend Who Works With The Deceased Got suggestions for upcoming specific girlfriends? I’ve been keeping a list of all the stuff you guys have sugested, so keep ‘em coming.

Filed under: Craigslist Personals, Authority, Criagslist Personals, Girlfriend, Power | 2 Comments

For those of you wondering how I can skip from Week Two to Week Four and not feel retarded: You obviously haven’t been checking on DosFactotum.com, where Thrash and I write hilarious blogs for your enjoyment (mostly Thrash).But, because I’m nice, let’s re-cap:Week One: Mime GirlfriendWeek Two: Girlfriend Who Hates All Her TattoosWeek Three: Hippie GirlfriendAnd now, onto week four:

WANTED: Widow Girlfriend

Strangely, I have been over appreciated by my recent dating/relationship companions.What I really need is someone who knows the touch of true love, and who recently had that warm embrace cruelly ripped away from them, leaving them an emotionally unstable wreck.I won’t live up to the love of your life who was tragically taken from you, nor do I want to attempt to live up to your expectations.I feel we will have a special bond while you try to convince yourself that your standards are to high and I coast by on your ex-husband’s laurels, trying not to make waves and upset you.Specifically, I am looking for a dowger, a widow endowed with the estate of her deceased husband, or has property of her own brought by her to her husband on marriage, and settled on her after his decease.I realize this is a specific enough request to require it’s own obscure vocabulary, but I figure they wouldn’t have made up a word if a dowger was that rare of an occurrence.If you are the friend of a dowger, surfing the personal ads for a way to cheer up your friend, you need look no longer.I will be forming a relationship with you or your friend in good faith, I have my own means and those means support my lifestyle. In the process of exploring what I find interesting in a person, I discovered I enjoy the company of widows.But not widows looking for someone to raise their kids and provide for them so they can maintain a specific lifestyle.Dowgers are the rebels of the widow world, and I find that quality attractive.

You might be saying: “Dave, that’s really outlandish.” And, you’re right. It has received zero responses thus far: zero.The only problem is that the other ones have at least gotten one response. I shouldn’t say this is a problem, it’s not. It’s just that I met Tattoo Girl in person and she was pretty cool, so when some of the other respondents said they wanted to meet…Well, let’s just say I want to stick to my post-a-week schedule, but can’t handle a new friend per week.So the rest are going to be kind of outlandish, until I firmly separate friend from interesting life experience.And you can help!Vote in the comments by this Friday 04/12/08 on one of the following four options:

• WANTED: Girlfriend Named “Jenny” Who Likes My Old Mix Tapes
• WANTED: Girlfriend Who Isn’t Afraid To Tell Me How I’m Supposed To Pronounce “Labia”
• WANTED: Girlfriend Who Works With The Dead Or Deceased
• WANTED: Jenna Finch As My Girlfriend

The fourth one would, of course, be posted in Denver instead of in Brooklyn.Vote or don’t, and be happy I don’t have plans for a site with that name.

Filed under: Craigslist Personals, Criagslist Personals, Dowger, Girlfriend, Widow | 4 Comments