I had a dark moment in the subway headed to Union Square where I remembered how thrilling it was to see different cuts of PJPJ and the release of the Facebook ad and I wondered: Is the elation of seeing something done just the counter-point to these moments where I feel like I’m going to throw up in public?

Enter in Bill, a grizzled looking man whose hands were calloused. He was carrying a paper bag. He asked me if I was Jewish.

“No, I’m not.”

“Do you like girls?” he asked, making me think I was going to get propositioned on the subway.

“Yes, sir, I do.”

He then dug into his paper bag and pulled out a Playboy that he insisted I look at with him on the C train from Penn Station to Union Square. He pointed out the women he liked, described why he liked them and said he liked to masturbate to the photos. He kept telling me that last part, like I thought he bought the Playboy for the articles and suddenly realized it had a whole other use.

All I could think of to say in response whenever he brought up masturbating was: “Yes, sir, it’s a natural thing.”

Then we shook hands and I got off the subway to meet Jess and get the check.

I don’t believe in a God as most people do, but Bill certainly startled me out of my funk.

If you don’t know why I feel qualified to say that both a vag full of vodka tampon or an anal beer bong are bad ideas, I direct you to this brief post from November 23rd, 2003.

Yes, I’m five years more the idiot. I’m in the 90th percentile of the idiot curve. I should write for the Wired of idiots (which could just be called Wired?). I was being an idiot when there wasn’t even a show called Doctors that featured idiot doctors reporting on idiots.

So, thought it would be best to start anew.

Listen Or Don’t returns.

It’s not in it’s final form, but it is functional.

I know two blog posts in as many days seems to be pressing up against the expectations for Dave Rocks The Universe (ReadItOrDon’t’s previous incarnation), but I thought I’d share some of my thoughts about the upcoming election, and I don’t mean the pictures of me licking the Barack Obama Rolling Stone cover that have made it up on Jess’ Facebook.

The fate of Serious Bob’s final album is still hanging in the balance, though it would be perfect timing to release it on the day the next President takes office since Serious Bob co-existed with the Bush Presidency so well.

So well, in fact, that we were inspired to make our third album (second “real” album, because Serious Bob Vs. Boo Radley was so drug-fueled) because Bush managed to win a second term (thanks a lot Ohio). I’m talking, of course, about the album titled One State, Two State, Red State, Blue State.

The plan – and when I say that, I mean MY plan – was to re-release One State, Two State, Red State, Blue State for Election ’08, just because the songs are still funny and/or relevant. While finding out the tracklisting for OSTSRSBS08, I added in a lot of the tracks that were cut and/or abbreviated when the album was going through post production (some were racist, some were abandoned, some were sacrificed because no one wants more that 40 minutes of Serious Bob in one sitting).

Here’s the tracklisting with new/restored songs starred:

1. Last Time…*
2. County Road Five (Freedom)*
3. The Pie Eating Man
4. Get Serious (Demo)
5. 18 Wheels Of Justice
6. Techno Monks
7. Indie Anna Jones (Demo)*
8. It’s Hard Being A Zombie
9. Know The Place (Where You Belong)
10. You Think You’re Right (Demo)*
11. That Cat’s On Fire
12. sExcluding Butt-Play
13. Who Makes The Rules
14. Funky Rockafeller Pimpjuice*
15. Famous Women I Can’t Have Sex With (Bi-Polar Version)*
16. Douchebag Full Of Love (w/Skit and Drums)*
17. Obligatory Cannibalism Song (Gangsta’s Paradise Bridge)*
18. What Did You Learn? (Drums)*
19. The Cockfighting Adventures of Sancho*
20. Smokey Pork Chili
21. The Life Of Bullfrog Hopkins
22. Ain’t As Bad As It Seems (Original Ending Skit)*

I made a playlist on my iTunes and redesigned the OSTSRSBS cover for the re-release. It ended up looking something like this:

I was all ready to dump some Serious Bob on people again, since Serious Bob’s whole mantra for awhile was “everything for free.” We’ve lived up to this in the sense that all Serious Bob is still free, but you haven’t even seen everything. The Unlistenables was never assembled fully and OSTSRSBS was originally much longer and much more diverse.

Long story short, I got this response from Tai:

I see no need to release all of that just for the hell of it. They were b-sides for a reason. That’s my straight opinion in all its harshness.

And what, dare I say, has become of the album we recorded two years ago this month?

balls.

-tai

Yeah, we’re all wondering where that album is. But, all things aside, that kills OSTSRSBS08. Elliott seems all in favor of it and Nate hasn’t listened to it, the most he’s commented has been: “You should have included the original Pie Eating Man.” I cant tell if he meant the version with Jason’s Drums or the very first Pie Eating Man, recorded with Nate and Ryan Max in my sophomore year dorm room:

Either way, without a three-person majority, OSTSRSBS08 will stay part of the Serious Bob canon only in my mind and on my iPod.

Is this the fourth or fifth death of Serious Bob this blog has witnessed? Probably.

However, this is different because time, space and marriage are now suppressing the sophomoric joke rock. And everyone but Nate is doing solo music.

All Serious Bob will be released eventually. Until then, bug Tai.

Oh, and I produced some stuff in there.

The good thing is that, for awhile, Brillhart/Gonzales is going to eat some time so I won’t feel compelled to work on that 45 minute binary-based instrumental album.

Here’s the skinny: There are two versions of this album available. The MP3 version, featuring the cartoon me looking over a mob of people as a giant blue hand crushes smokestacks marked with The Gentleman and the moody, green digital smoke-themed AIFF version.

MP3 - smaller ZIP file, ripped CD quality.
AIFF - bigger ZIP file, awesome quality, moodier cover

Got it?

Click the images to Download.

In the spirit of new content, this is a big day. The reality is that in these tough economic time, starting a business has put a strain on my finances. I need to monetize my hobbies, or cut out the ones that aren’t worth additional time or monetary investment.

But until then, it’s been nice sharing with most of you.

According to Facebook, they are recording a new album. And there are videos!

“Hour is Ours” Rehearsal:

“Passerby” Rehearsal:

The date on these videos is 10/9, which makes me feel a lot better about not hearing back from Ari after I called to blackmail him into being an extra on Four-Faced Liar.

As long as shit is getting done, I’m good.

Congrats guys. Looks like the “new”/”first” album is going to be sweet.