This Is Not ‘Tomcats’
June 28th, 2009
I get up around 1:30. An hour and a half later, I walk to Lulu Bean and buy a coffee and a mini pecan pie. Stop in the bodega for a Lipton Brisk iced tea. A pretty marvelous summer day so far.
Sprawled out on the couch. I browse the TV menu. Disappointing selection. An OxiClean ad bums me out.
But there’s hope: Fox is showing Tomcats from 4 to 6. I’ve never seen it. I’m thinking, This is great. This is how I’ll spend my day. It’s 4:10. I’ve only missed a few scenes. The mini pecan pie is really good. So is the Brisk. Lulu Bean’s coffee isn’t bad.
I flip to Fox. It’s not Tomcats. It’s Jawbreaker. I’ve been lied to. All of us—all the dudes and ladies who saw that Tomcats was on at 4 on Fox—we’ve all been lied to.
I’ve seen Jawbreaker a few times and I don’t want to watch it. I flip back to the menu, to double-check. Tomcats. Fox is playing Tomcats from 4 to 6 today. I flip back to Fox. It’s not Tomcats. It’s Jawbreaker.
I hit the Info button. Tomcats. It’s rated R. It was given one star by the person or committee at Time Warner who decides how many stars movies and shows get. It came out in 2001. The description: A cartoonist in debt plots to have his friend marry a statuesque cop in order to win a huge bet. It stars Jerry O’Connell, Shannon Elizabeth, Jake Busey, Horatio Sanz, Jaime Pressly, and Travis Fine. It was directed by Gregory Poirer. 1 hr., 35 min. It’s rated R for Adult Language and Adult Situations. The program type is Movie/Comedy.
But this is not Tomcats. This is Jawbreaker.
I won’t be watching Tomcats today. Perhaps I’ll go to the grave having never seen it. My tombstone: Beloved husband, father, grandfather, world-traveler. Never saw ‘Tomcats.’ (They’ll probably use single quotes, not italics. Much easier. Unless I request italics in the will. That could cost extra, though. Something to think about.)
It’s been a rough week: Ed. Farrah. Michael. Billy. Iran. Tomcats.
TV off. Going for a walk. I think I’ll stop in the first place I see that’s selling scrambled eggs.
