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Dos Factotum » Archive » Episode 801: A Tasty Girly-Friend
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March 11th, 2009

Episode 801: A Tasty Girly-Friend

Here is the first new strip to be published since we relaunched this nonsense. Tell your friends! Tell your girly-friend too, if you got one. If you don’t, log off your machine and walk to a park or a café and strike up a conversation with a lady. They like it when you talk to them.

Here are some more tips for getting a girly-friend:

Don’t call her a name that isn’t her name. This is especially true if the incorrect name is one of your past girly-friends’ names. They HATE to be mistaken for past girly-friends.

When you’re talking to her in the park or café, try to limit the times you stare into her bosom. Keep eye contact. She won’t mind it so much if you sneak a peek or two at her bosom, but, in general, you should be looking at her eyes. But don’t stare into her eyes too much. That can be very off-putting. The average lady would likely prefer you periodically glancing into her bosom to you maintaining steady eye contact throughout your meeting.

If everything goes well at the park or café, and one of you happens to live nearby, there’s a chance, albeit a small one, that you’ll go to your (or her) apartment to “watch a movie.” That really means you’re going to get nasty together. In bed or on a couch or on a big chair. Maybe in the tub. Don’t be nervous. Be gentle and very patient. Ladies often take a while to get in a nasty mood. (Men, on the other hand, are in a nasty mood as long as they’re awake, and sometimes even when they’re asleep.)

Once you’re finished being nasty together, make sure to say the right thing. Words are very important to your prospective girly-friend. Don’t say this: “Getting nasty with you was nice; we should do it again sometime soon” because chances are, she doesn’t call it “getting nasty.” She calls it “love-making.” Don’t say “I’ve gotten nastier with other girls” even if it’s the honest truth. While they want you to be honest with them, you shouldn’t say truthful things if they might also be hurtful. Very important: Don’t say “Thanks, Mom.” And don’t say “Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown” unless it happens to be Christmas morning and the lady had made it clear earlier that she wants to be called Charlie Brown.

Here’s one thing you could say after getting nasty: “I enjoyed that. Would you like to get [a meal, e.g., brunch, tea and cookies, or supper] with me?”

Or better yet: “Do you like comics? If you do, check out this one. They just started publishing new strips for the first time in ages. I’m psyched about it and you should be too.”

You may be wondering how to convey a hyperlink via spoken words. That, my boy, is for you to figure out on your own.

Happy girly-friend hunting!

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