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Dos Factotum » Archive » …And a Dash of Semen

…And a Dash of Semen

December 7th, 2008

A do-nothing Sunday afternoon. While browsing tasteful nudes I came across Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes. Such a clear, intuitive title. What, I wonder, are these recipes like?

Mom’s Lasagna

  • 8 ounces lasagna noodles
  • 1 pound lean ground beef
  • 1/2 cup chopped onion
  • 8 ounces mushrooms, optional
  • 1 jar (about 16 ounces) spaghetti sauce, your favorite
  • 1 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon dried leaf oregano, crumbled
  • 1/2 teaspoon dried leaf basil, crumbled
  • 1 1/2 cups ricotta cheese
  • 2 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese
  • 3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
  • 2 cups warm semen

Cook lasagna noodles according to package directions; drain and set aside. In a large skillet, brown beef, onion, and mushrooms; drain well. Stir in spaghetti sauce, garlic powder, salt, oregano, and basil. In a 2-quart buttered baking dish (about 11x7x2-inches), layer 1/3 of the lasagna noodles, 1/3 of the sauce and 1/3 of the ricotta cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, and Parmesan cheeses. Pour in the semen, distributing it evenly. Repeat layers twice. Bake lasagna for 30 minutes, or until thoroughly heated and bubbly. Let stand for 8 to 10 minutes before cutting and serving. Serves 6 to 8.

Pecan Crusted Tilapia
1 pound of pecans, finely grounded
2 tablespoons of cereal thickener
Onion powder
Salt
Pepper or lemon pepper
2 Tilapia fillets per person
Lemon
Parsley
1/2 cup warm semen

If you want to bake the pecan crusted tilapia in the oven, your first step will be to preheat the oven to 400° F.

  • Use aluminum foil to cover a baking pan.
  • Put the finely grounded pecans in a large zip-lock plastic bag and add cereal thickener, onion powder, salt and pepper or lemon pepper, and the half cup of semen.
  • Use some water to wet the Tilapia fillets and put then inside the zip-lock plastic bag. This makes it easy to evenly coat the Tilapia fillets.
  • Place the pecan crusted Tilapia fillets in the baking pan and bake them in the oven for roughly 10 minutes. Or use a frying pan to cook the pecan crusted Tilapia fillets if you prefer not to bake them in the oven.
  • Place the fillets on a serving plate and squeeze some lemon juice over them. Add some parsley as decoration.
  • Hearty Cereal
    1 3/4 c. quick oats
    3/4 c. oat bran
    1/4 c. whole grain (“old fashioned”) cornmeal
    1/4 c. wheat germ
    1/2 tsp. salt
    1/4 c. chopped almonds
    1 Tbsp. oil (optional)
    3 oz. unsweetened frozen apple juice concentrate
    1 1/2 tsp. molasses
    1/2 tsp. vanilla
    1 Tbsp. warm semen

    Combine oats, oat bran, cornmeal, wheat germ, salt, semen and almonds in a bowl and mix well. Mix in the oil, if using, until no lumps remain (for best results use your hands).

    In a separate container mix together the apple juice concentrate, molasses, and vanilla. Stir liquids into dry ingredients, mixing well and breaking up all lumps.

    Spread out evenly on a cookie sheet.
    Bake at 250 F for 75-90 minutes, stirring every 15-20 minutes to insure even drying. If cereal starts to brown quickly, reduce oven temperature and finish baking as normal.

    Turn off oven and allow cereal to remain in the oven until it is cool to complete the drying process. Store in airtight container in a cool place.

    2 Responses to “…And a Dash of Semen”

    1. Cameron Says:

      2 cups of semen is a lot of semen, who has that lying around? Do you go next door and ask to borrow some?

    2. Ryan Says:

      You could buy in bulk: http://www.forfarmers.com/sell-buy/h/Products/Animal/Semen/

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