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Dos Factotum » Archive » Episode 517: No Words
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October 22nd, 2008

Episode 517: No Words

This seems to be as good a place as any to publish my bitchin’ tuna melt sammich recipe.


can o’ tuna

two slices o’ rye bread

mayo (just a wee bit)

sweet gherkins (2)

sweet onion

cheddar cheese (2 slices)



Toast rye slices.

Spray a shitload of Pam in a frying pan. Let it sit there for a while.

Chop the gherkins real fine-like. They should ideally be no thicker than your front teeth, unless you have some sort of disorder which has strciken you with unusually wide (or thin, for that matter) front teeth. If that’s the case, use a neighbor’s or roommate’s front teeth for a reference point and stop feeling so sorry for yourself. Things will get better.

Chop the onion real fine-like.

Open can o’ tuna.

Spoon out a lil bit o’ mayo and mix it with the tuna in a bowl.

Mix in gherkin slices.

Set range to medium heat.

Plop down the tuna/gherkin/mayo mess and mix it around and such so it doesn’t stick or get all brown and gross.

Create a three-inch-high patty with and flip that shit.

Place the cheddar slices on the mess in the pan.

Be patient. It takes a while to melt. Trap the heat with a pot cover if you want but don’t come crying to me if that overcooks the tuna, ’cause it might.

Scoop it out and put it on the bread slices.

Goes best with Coors Original, the Banquet Beer.

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