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Dos Factotum » Archive » The Yellow, White, Green Sandwich

The Yellow, White, Green Sandwich

October 4th, 2008

The Yellow, White, Green Sandwich

This is my first published recipe, so go easy on the criticism, please. Expect more recipes in the future.

People of discerning tastes tend to like meals with a variety of textures—crispy tortillas with gooey egg, crunchy lettuce with crumbly beef, tender lamb with Jell-Oy Jell-O. Not me. I prefer foods that have a consistent consistency. Perfect last meal: brothy soup (a bisque, perhaps) and PB&J. And four Old Speckled Hens.

This sandwich would also be a suitable last meal as it doesn’t bother to offer the eater anything surprising in the way of texture. It’s a gooey mess on a bagel. No bacon, no ham, no lox.  If done right, the middle of the sandwich will have the consistency of a thick cut of slow-cooked BBQ pork.

Now pay attention:


2 jumbo eggs

1 ball of mid-level mozzarella cheese from Khim’s on Graham Ave., sliced

1 avocado, halved

1 onion bagel


(Serves one hungry person)


Crack two jumbo eggs in a mixing bowl. If someone is watching you, use only one hand. It will look impressive.

Whisk the eggs after picking out shards of eggshell.

Wash hands. They will be eggy.

Put a spoonful of butter in a pan. Salted or unsalted? you ask? We’ve got a war on, people. Salted, of course.

And use medium heat, for chrissakes.

Basically, you’re gonna make an empty, two-egg omelet. Fold it so it resembles a taco.

At this point, you should cut the bagel in half and toast that shit. I like medium well bagels, but you do whatever feels right.

Turn the range heat to very low.

Place slices of mozz on the omelet. How many? Depends. I do two or three, depending on how gassy I want to be the next day.

Place a pot cover over the pan to melt the mozz. Again, the heat should be super-low.

Use an oven mit or a towel to remove the hot bagels from the toaster oven.

Cut the avocado half’s meat into small squares.

With a large spoon, scoop out the squares and spread them on one side of the toasted bagel like you would spread cream cheese or butter.

With a spatula, carefully remove the egg-and-mozz mess from the pan and place it between the bagel slices.

Optional: Put the sandwich back in the pan and press it as if it were a panini.

Eat the sandwich.

Goes best with Coors Original, the Banquet Beer.

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