The Last Few Weeks’ Twitters Condensed
August 12th, 2008I don’t have a Twitter because they seem to be for people who dislike writing more than one sentence at a time. Mr. John Hodgman’s is consistently solid, but the others I’ve seen are Yawnsville, or Borington Estates, which has more crime and shittier schools than Yawnsville, if you can believe it.
Instead of starting a Twitter and shooting friends and family an email like, “Hey, pussywarts. Come check out my Twitter. Follow my twits and shit. Read about what I did at 11:22 a.m. and then check back to find out what I thought about my cheese Danish at 11:43 a.m.,” I’ve decided to save up my twats and publish them here in no particular order without date or time labels.
*In Maryland for family vacation. So far, approximately 220 crabs have been eaten by Grims and people related to Grims with different surnames.
*Dancing at a Latina dance club in SoWillBurg (which is what most people I know call South Williamsburg) while drinking Caipirinhas and Mojitos.
*Started calling Mojitos “‘jitos.”
*Pooping with laptop in bathroom.
*Saving $20 copay by removing stitches from bump on leg with scissors and nail clippers.
*Eating a steak torta, slowly at first, then very quickly.
*Currently sleep walking. Now I’m peeing in the media room of our apartment. I’m still asleep, mind you.
*Eating a hot dog with a pickle in it…on a roof in SoWillBurg!
*Temporarily living in lovely Cobble Hill for a few nights.
*Coming around on asparagus.
*Loving Westside Market’s salad artisans.
*Hating the lady at H&R Block who made me wait today.
*Loving the other lady at H&R Block (the one with the limp) who helped me sort out my IRS-related unpleasantries.
*Learning fun wartime acronyms from Generation Kill.
*Practicing my a cappella version of Kate Bush’s “Wuthering Heights” in case I want to try out for the East Williamsburg opera.
