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Dos Factotum » Archive » Live Blogging TBS’s Midnight Showing of Black Sheep

Live Blogging TBS’s Midnight Showing of Black Sheep

April 8th, 2008

Raw, real-time reporting from the couch bureau, edited during ad breaks.

Black Sheep good

12:11: Starting late, I come in at the scene in which Robbie, the Middle Eastern cop, shows Mike Donnelly (Chris Farley) his cruiser’s nitrous tanks.

12:12: Mike’s thumbs get stuck in the hood of his car.

12:13: Mike puts an elderly couple’s groceries in their car, gets his tie stuck in the trunk and is dragged around as they drive away.

12:15: Mike promises to stay in the car as Spade goes into a bodega but instead he starts effing around with teenagers, who are drinking a bottle of liquor in plain view during the day. He dances around while singing, “Smoking, snorting, popping.”

12:16: The next day he’s on the front page of the newspaper, drinking liquor with kids.

12:17: The red-haired lady politician, Governor Tracey, chops at a ceremonial tree. “Don’t let anyone ever tell you your job is easy,” she tells the lumberjacks.

12:18: Mike tells Spade he’s been fired from the rec center. He says something about clearing beer out of his office.

12:19: Mike puts on bunny ears and continues to wear them while packing up his stuff. He approaches a couple of men who are playing with matches.

12:20 The rec center is on fire. Mike tries to extinguish it, but it’s hopeless. Robbie, the Middle Eastern cop, shows up and asks Mike who did it. Mike says he doesn’t know who he guys were.

12:21 – 12:26: Ads.

12:26: Spade and Mike talk to Gubernatorial candidate Al Donnelly about the fire at the rec center. Al and his adviser, Roger, have a game plan. Roger tells Spade to keep this “bozo under wraps until the election.” The bozo is Mike.

12:28: Mike touches a bat. It flies around the cabin. (They’re in a cabin now.)

12:29: Mike says the bat bit him and that he’ll get rabies. Mike thinks of a way to get rid of the bat but, as Spade informs him, that’s actually how people deal with moths, not bats.

12:30: Spade rains blows upon Mike with a broom.

12:31: Using a sheet, they shove the bat out of the cabin.

12:32: They staple Vote for Donnelly posters to lots of tree trunks, too many trunks in one small area of forest if you ask me. Mike staples his hand to a tree.

12:33: Spade can’t get cell phone service. He’s approached by a group of hick kids in an old car. The kids tell him he’s not from around here. We hear an electric guitar playing the Deliverance banjo riff. Spade is assaulted with a fire extinguisher. “Thanks for not shoving the nozzle up my ass first,” he says.

12:34: Mike falls down a hill. He holds on to some roots in order to stop falling. “Oh, thank you, little roots,” he says. “Please stay strong.” They do not stay strong and he rolls down the hillside some more.

12:35: Spade acts out what he’d like to do to the hick kids if he were to see them again. One of the moves he pantomimes is a pile driver.

12:35: Spade sees Gary Busey, then runs away from him.

12:36: Mike hoists a bucket up from a well. It’s full of snakes. Mike hates snakes.

12:37: Spade, covered in fire extinguisher gunk, watches Mike dive into a lake. He’s so fat that his dive causes a large boulder to loosen. I smell trouble.

12:38: – 12:43: Ads.

12:43: Mike and Spade play checkers. Mike is angry at Spade, who’s winning, for never moving his back row. He yells, which loosens the boulder even more.

12:44: The boulder starts rolling toward the cabin.

12:45: It hits the cabin. All is destroyed. “This fridge is only being held by this plug,” Spade says. He foolishly pulls the plug. The fridge comes loose and sandwiches Mike against a wall.

12:46: Mike tries to get a cell phone signal. He runs around, trying to find the best place, and hits his head on a tree branch. He’s apologizes for not meeting his young fatherless friend Scott at the football field for private football lessons.

12:47: While the two guys are in bed, the fierce Northwest wind blows the roof off their cabin. “This sucks,” Mike says.

12:48: It starts to hail, which especially sucks for Mike because he’s on the top bunk. He wanted the top bunk, so Spade taunts him. The top bunk collapses. Spade is crushed.

12:49: Mike talks to Roger, the adviser. Roger tells Mike that Al doesn’t want to speak to him again. He informs Mike that his brother calls him “The Idiot.” This hurts Mike’s feelings.

12:50: Mike discovers Spade’s Playboy Magazine under his pillow. “Oh, that’s sad,” he says. But is it?

12:51: The two guys drive to the Rock the Vote concert in Seattle, where Al is scheduled to speak. Mike picks up a security hat and poses as a security guard.

12:52: Mike, now backstage, enters a room full of Rastafarians. They’re smoking joints of pot. Mike jiggles his belly fat and explains that he shouldn’t smoke pot because then he’ll get the munchies and he shouldn’t get the munchies because he’s already fat.

12:53: Mud Honey takes the stage.

12:54 – 12:59: Ads.

12:59: Mike’s really high. He tells a bad joke. Punchline: “Rectum? Damn near killed ’em.”

1:00: Mike has become an advocate for the oppressed black man.

1:01: Al is nervous about appearing hip in front of the hip rock n’ roll crowd. “Should I lose the tie?” he asks Roger.

1:01: Mud Honey meets Mike. They mistake him for Al and urge him to get on the stage and speak.

1:02: He rocks the mic and the crowd loves it. “Voting kicks ass,” he says. More cheering. He belly-slides across the stage.

1:03: “You gotta fight for your right to vote.” “That’s one small step for man, one giant…I have a dream.” “Power to the people.”

1:04: “Kill Whitey!” The mostly white crowd falls silent.

1:04: Al scolds Mike in the venue’s lobby. “Just stay out of the way, OK?”

1:05: Spade and Mike sit on the front porch of their dilapidated cabin, talking. Spade reminds Mike that the debate is today and wishes they could watch it on television. They walk into a seemingly abandoned house and turn on the debate.

1:07: Al agrees with the redhead Governor on one issue: that people should be allowed to keep their doors unlocked. Spade leaves the strange house to take a “squeege.”

1:08: Tracy insults Al by insulting Mike: “How far does the acorn fall from the tree?” Al says he loves his troubled brother. “His problems are rather modest when compared to the problems of our great state.” “Get her, Al,” Mike says to the television.

1:09 – 1:14: Ads.

1:14: Spade’s squeege is interrupted by Busey, who threatens to dispatch him with an automatic weapon. Spade is pissing himself. He explains to Busey that he just wants his car back. Busey fires his weapon; Spade pees on his leg some more.

1:15: Mike and Busey wrestle. Busey is impressed by Mike’s wrestling moves. They hit it off, and go into the house to watch Busey’s Bruce Lee laserdiscs.

1:16: Tracey insults the size of her adviser’s balls at a fancy cocktail party and pulls her son away from the blonde piece of ass he’s dancing with.

1:17: Tracey meets with a man who goes by “Mr.” Mr. is a photographer who has photographs of both Mike and Tracey’s people burning down the rec center. He tries to extort money and succeeds.

1:18: Mike gets stuck in a voting booth, which is located in a private driveway. He starts shaking it, scaring the two old ladies in the adjacent voting booths. The three attached booths fall flat on the driveway. Mike pops up through the wood and rescues the old ladies from their coffins of Democracy.

1:20: Pictures of Mike dancing on the rec center fire have leaked to the press. “Governor Tracy is about to claim victory,” says the TV news anchor lady.

1:21: Mike has a rare stroke of genius. He notices there were 1,882 total votes in Garfield County, a county with only 1,502 people. He suspects foul play.

1:23: He reasons the best course of action is to humiliate the Governor in public, at her mansion, the Governor’s mansion. But the car doesn’t start.

1:24: Robbie, the Middle Eastern cop, lends Mike his cruiser, the one with the nitrous tanks.

1:24 – 1:29: Ads.

Fuck it. I’m going to bed.

Ryan Grim

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