Other than our skin tones and opposing views on the U.S. government’s handling of Amtrak, the main difference between us is the type of whore we’d make. Dave’s pretty emphatic about allowing hypothetical clients to kiss him on the mouth, whereas Ryan would take his cues from Vivian Ward’s playbook. Dave would encourage the client to incorporate various electronics into the action; Ryan’s parties would have a no machine policy. A client could pay Dave via Paypal, or even in free Web hosting. Cash only for Ryan. Dave would bore clients with diatribes about how poorly Amtrak is being run. Ryan would delight them with pro-Amtrak factoids and direct them to his website immediately after lovemaking.

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