OK, so a condom and a cigarette are hanging out on the moon. One’s drinking some chai, the other has tea. Both beverages, presumably bought at a moon cafe operated by the Russians, are too hot. Painfully hot. Being good Americans, they decide to sue the cafe. But who’s gonna help them? They need a connection. Aha! The cigarette says his uncle is a lawyer. The condom is relieved. But there’s a snag: this lawyer is really just a guy who raped the cigarette’s aunt, and not his legally recognized uncle. And though the cigarette considers him an uncle, does the rapist love the cigarette like a nephew? Will he help them win the lawsuit? We’d like to think so. His name is Ron, and he’s the best.

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