January 24th, 2010
Feel free to turn my bedroom into that office you’ve always wanted.
‘THIS IS GRIM’ IS MY NEW HANG OUT. Please stop by.
January 22nd, 2010
INT. HOTEL BAR. MORNING SUN FILLS THE ROOM.
Two middle-aged men, GARY 1 and GARY 2, sit on bar stools. Their unfortunate clothes and blank faces indicate that they are not busy or vital men. Standing behind the bar is a BARTENDER (early 20s) eating scrambled eggs and toast.
Alright. I’m on the clock. What will it be?
Gin and tonic. No fruit.
Is well gin OK? Or are you celebrating?
GARY 2 nods. He is also fine with well gin. Truth is, he probably couldn’t tell the difference between well and the good stuff. Not since last November, anyway.
In the background an ENERGETIC AND WELL-GROOMED WHITE FAMILY OF FOUR sits down at a table.
BARTENDER SCOOPS ice into two GLASSES and POURS a generous serving of GORDON’s GIN into each glass. He tops them off with a small amount of tonic. He slices a lime into wedges and slips them on the rims of the glasses. As BARTENDER hands the men their drinks he realizes his mistake.
Oh, you said no lime. Typical. I mess up the first drinks of the day. Here, I’ll take them off for you. [He reaches for the drinks.]
Don’t worry about it.
Yeah, don’t worry about it.
GARY 1 and GARY 2 start drinking. They do not raise their glasses in a toast.
Gordon’s. Leave well enough alone.
[Hey Agency Republic. I see Gordon's is one of your clients. If you're not hiring me to consult, what are you doing?]
January 21st, 2010
INT. SMALL EXCLUSIVE LUGGAGE STORE (J. RUSS) - DAY 42.
It's as quiet as a church. A few pieces of extremely
high quality leather luggage are on display. The
SALESMAN, a small neat man in a quiet suit, is the
store's representative. He's talking with Joe. He's a
very serious, understated man.
Have you thought much about
luggage, Mr. Banks?
No, I never really have.
It's the central preoccupation
of my life. You travel the
world, you're away from home,
perhaps away from your family,
all you have to depend on is
yourself and your luggage.
I guess that's true.
Are you traveling light or heavy?
JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89 39.
42 CONTINUED: 42
Flying. And by ship.
An ocean voyage?
Ah. Yes. So. A real
And then I'll be staying on
this island, I don't even
really know if I'll be living
in a hut or what.
As a luggage problem. I
believe I have just the thing.
The Luggage Salesman rolls out an absolutely gorgeous
steamer trunk of dark, wine-colored leather and brass
The Luggage Salesman opens it. It has hangers, drawers, a
mirror, the works.
This is our premier steamer
trunk. All handmade, only the
finest materials. It's even
water-tight, tight as a drum.
If I had the need and the
wherewithal, Mr. Banks, this
would be my trunk of choice. I
could face the world with a
trunk like this by my side.
Joe is moved.
JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89 40.
42 CONTINUED: (2) 42
I'll take four of them.
This is the classiest thing the Luggage Salesman's ever
May you live to be a thousand
years old, sir.
January 20th, 2010
The rock band Handsome Furs performed last night at a party celebrating the new partnership between VBS.tv and CNN.com. Before they took the stage at Public Assembly, MC Eugene Mirman mumbled some jokes which were barely audible above the folks enjoying the open bar; Kenneth “KC” Estenson of CNN.com said a few remarks about the importance of first-person storytelling; and Shane Smith of Vice/VBS said something about taking over the world with CNN. He added that while some men have large heads and small bodies, he’s got a small head and a large body.
Once the band started their set it was hard to look away from keyboardist/drum machinist Alexei Perry. Her mouth would puff and chomp, often with the beat. She resembled an animal actor with peanut butter on its gums to make it look like it’s talking, but in a sexy way. While breathing heavily and chomping, she would sometimes stare fiercely and admiringly at her bandmate and husband, Dan Boeckner. His trick: wrapping the microphone cord around his neck while singing. At one point during the set they faced each other and got very close as if they were going to kiss or nuzzle, and a girl in front of me let out an “Awww.”
Alexei Perry’s throat was even more interesting to watch. Because she’s breathing so deeply and rhythmically, and she doesn’t have much neck fat, a very pronounced oval would appear with each deep inhale, and then disappear with each exhale. Well, perhaps it’s not really an oval. It’s more like the shape we make with the skin between our thumb and index finger when we try to reproduce the shape of a vagina by touching our hands together. An elongated oval with points. So if you wanted to be lewd you could say that, while performing, Alexei Perry’s throat looks like a pulsating vagina.
Ms. Perry would often balance herself on one leg, raise the other leg behind her and kick it to the beat. When she bangs her head, her copper hair (it’s currently copper, anyway) is fun to watch, too. With the leg, the hair, the mouth and the throat, she’s the most animated keyboardist/drum machinist I’ve ever seen. And if you’re only casually playing the instrument to begin with, you have no excuse not to go berserk.
[Thanks for the picture.]
January 15th, 2010
Christopher Hitchens quoting “Astronomer Royal” Sir Martin Rees in an Atlantic piece about J.G. Ballard: “Most educated people are aware that we are the outcome of nearly 4 billion years of Darwinian selection, but many tend to think that humans are somehow the culmination. Our sun, however, is less than halfway through its lifespan. It will not be humans who watch the sun’s demise, 6 billion years from now. Any creatures that then exist will be as different from us as we are from bacteria or amoebae.”